Simpson Eater
by ghostgirl21696
Summary: Three-shot. What happens when the characters of Soul Eater were the characters from the Simpsons? Rated T for safety.


Hello, here's a little threeshot I decided to do since I finished the Soul Eater anime.

…..you have no idea how difficult it was too choose some the directions and characters I went with this. Trust me with this. WARNING, CHARACTERS MAY GO OoC!

Enjoy this Soul Eater episode….Simpsons style!

It was a dark, cold evening. The usual purple sky covered the area of Deathfield in its usual ominous glow, the moon laughing and bleeding blood from the mouth. And on this day, two young girls were walking home from a day of shopping.

"And so, Molly totally ditched me yesterday to hang out with _Trisha_! Can you believe that…"

"Oh, are you sure those shoes are cute? I don't want to be caught dead in these things if they're terrible…."

The girls continued chatting about their little happenings of the past day, when one of them felt a chill go down their back.

"Hey…what was that?" The girl turned around, seeing nothing.

"It was probably just a stray or something." The other girl started walking away. "Come on; let's get home before it's too late."

"Just wait a second." The first girl walked back the other way. "I'm just going to go check it out."

The girl ran back onto the desolate street, looking both ways. She saw a shadow enter a nearby alley. She ran over to the alley way, turning around to the grimy area.

"Hmm, there's nothing there."

Suddenly, she heard a rustling coming from behind her. Turning around slowly, she saw a hideous, mutated monster with large claws, a clean blue suit and red combed-back hair.

"Hello, I'm Troy the McClure. You may recognize me in other such incidents such as the death of those who came across my path, just like you."

She screamed.

Troy the McClure began to chase after the girl, as she quickly ran out of the alley and into the streets, desperate for escape. Running back the other way, the girl's friend was just in sight. Unfortunately for the girl, Troy the McClure was much, much faster than her. She turned around just in time for the last sight for her to see being the claws of the deadly monster.

The monster swiped through the girl as if she was nothing but paper, blood spraying everywhere. In the remains of the body, lay a small, glowing blue object that floated upward. Troy the McClure swiped it from the air, and quickly swallowed it.

"Mmmm…tasty!"

The other girl was paralyzed in fear, watching as the remains of her friend slowly fade away. Unlucky for her, Troy the McClure was still hungry, and noticed the girl standing nearby.

"Hello, I'm Troy…"

The girl didn't give him a chance to speak as she ran off in the other direction, fearing for her life. Troy the McClure was chasing after her, just the same as the last girl, but lucky for her, she was much faster than her friend, but she still couldn't get any distance between herself and the beast.

Of course, she tripped over her high heels.

"Damn it…" She tried getting up, but Troy had caught up to her quickly, and cornered her on the ground. She closed her eyes, waiting for the final blow.

It never came.

She looked up, seeing the beast was lying nearby, a deep cut in his chest. From the staircase above a spiky-haired blond holding a scythe stood, her black coat blowing in the wind. She wore on orange tartan skirt that was spiked at the bottom, orange Mary-Janes with silver leg cuffs, and white gloves.

"Troy the McClure! Your Soul is mine!" She yelled.

The girl ran off as Troy was distracted. Troy, however, was infuriated that the girl on the stairs for hurting him. He came after the girl with lightning speed.

The girl, however, nimbly dodged the attack, flipping to impossible heights with the help of the scythe's giant red and blue blade.

"Lisa!" The scythe somehow screamed. "On your left!"

Lisa flipped the scythe to her left, just in time to block Troy's claws. Another flip, and she sliced Troy right in half. He exploded, leaving a large, red crusted glowing sphere.

Lisa landed, flipping the scythe masterfully, and stopped abruptly, the scythe shining in the moonlight.

"All right!" The scythe cheered. "Our 99th Celebrity soul!"

Suddenly, the scythe shone brighter, and the blade turned into the upper-half of a person. He had messy blue hair, thick red glasses, and wore a white headband with many buttons attached to the sides, and a black and lavender sports coat. He reached out, grabbing the Celebrity soul, and swallowed it impossibly whole. He let his whole body transform completely into a human, showing he was wearing red jeans and shoes.

"Lisa! We finally got our 99th Celebrity soul!" He smiled.

"Yes, Soul, I'm well aware. You only said it twice." Lisa folded her arms across her chest. "Anyway, we should report back to Mr. Death about our work."

She went over to a nearby window, and breathed on it, fogging it up. She started writing down some numbers on the door, Mr. Death exact age. Once she finished, the image shimmered, showing a hunching black-robed figure wearing a mask that looked like a skull, aside from the long pointy nose. Standing next to him were the two death scythes, Smith, a scrawny looking man with glasses, and on the other side, a balding fat man wearing a classy, yet casual grey suit.

"Lisa Albarn and Soul van Houten, reporting! We just got our 99th Celebrity soul!" She saluted.

"_Excellent._" Mr. Death said. "Now, all you have to do is obtain a Witchsoul, and Van Houten will become a Duff Scythe."

Soul pumped his fist in triumph. Lisa gave him a look, and he folded them behind his back.

"Hello my sweet little girl!" The fat Duff Scythe smiled. "How has your day been going?"

Lisa sighed and turned in the other direction. "Don't even bother buttering up to me."

"What's wrong with me?" The fat Duff scythe started to cry in a corner. "What do I have do to earn the respect of my Lisa?"

Lisa sighed. Ever since her parents divorced, the father, Homer Albarn, better known as the Duff Scythe; since he was the only actual scythe of the living duff scythes, he was a personal favourite for , aside from Waylon Law, who was a guillotine. And there Law stood, next to Mr. Death, instead of being in Europe like he was supposed to be stationed.

"Oh, lord..Sir." Law muttered next to Mr. Death. "Shall I prepare your hand for a shinigami chop?"

"Yes, Law." Mr. Death held out his arm to the faithful duff scythe, as he moved it over his comrade duff Scythe's head.

"SHINIGAMI CHOP!" With a strong push down, the hand came right down on Duff Scythe, creating a huge dent in his skull, a fountain of blood trailing out of it. The Duff Scythe cried out in pain.

"Anyway, who's the witch we're going after?" Lisa grumbled. She hated how babyish her father was.

"Ah, yes." Mr. Death continued. "Your witch is a very special target; none of the students have been able to beat her. She uses Pumpkin magic, and transforms into the prettiest woman you can think of to set you off guard. Her name is of the most hideous….Blair."

"Prettiest woman?" Soul thought about who he would probably see. His nose began to bleed a little. Lisa, noticing, frowned. Soul's nose always bled at even the thought of pretty girls.

"Okay, sir, we're on it." Lisa saluted Mr. Death once more.

"Excellent." And with that, the window went back to normal.

/

"So, this is where the Witch Blair lives?"

"Yes, Soul, a giant pumpkin is her house."

"You don't have to be sarcastic." Soul folded his arms in front of his chest.

"….I wasn't being sarcastic." Lisa looked at the strange sight. Not only was the giant pumpkin house unsettling, but the trees were glowing, and seemed to be…pulsating.

_Meanwhile, in the house…_

A purple haired young woman, maybe around twenty, sat in a giant, enough for-five-people tub, filled to the brim with water and foamy bubbles, relaxing.

"Ah…what a nice day to have a bath…hey, what are those two doing outside my house?"

The woman inside couldn't actually SEE the two, but she could feel their soul wavelengths, thank to her trees outside. Also thanks to those trees, she could also see who they both thought were the prettiest women.

"Huh…they're thinking of the same woman…" The woman lay in the tub, her eyes closed. "Blue hair….Hazel eyes…she's very pretty…" She crinkled her nose. "And she's in her forties or fifties! Luckily, I can fix that…" The tub began to glow, and very soon, the light was glowing so hard, she easily bet that the two outside could see it. When the light faded, she looked like what the woman in their thoughts looked like, albeit when she was nineteen; long, flowing blue hair, sparkling eyes, and a nice figure to boot. She sunk into the bubbles, waiting for the two visitors to make an entry.

_Back outside…_

"Hey, Lisa!" Soul pointed up to the window that had been glowing just seconds before. "I bet that witch was casting spells and potions up there!" He ran towards the window.

"First of all, that is a stereotype that is not present in this series." Lisa yelled. "And second, WATCH WHAT YOU'RE DOING…"

But, it was too late. Soul had jumped right through the window, and before he realized it, he was falling into a bathtub…with a woman who looked suspiciously like Lisa's mother taking a bath below. As he fell in, the witch propped her legs up close to her body, having the boy fall in an empty area of the giant tub.

"Hello, young boy." She said, as if it were a calm, regular day. "Why'd you get in my bath?"

Soul rocketed three feet in the air from his nose bleed, just falling nearby the sink. At the same time, Lisa jumped through the window, looked at her partner in disgust, then turned to the witch.

"Hey! You may be able to subdue my partner by looking like a younger version of my mom, but that won't work on me, witch!"

"Witch?" Blair looked confused for a second. "Oh…your one of those DWMA students…well, I'm prepared to fight you, if that's the case."

The witch jumped out of her tub, and landed, now clothed in a dark green dress, and a black hat with three points.

"Okay, Soul!" Lisa held a hand to her partner. "We're fighting now!"

"Okay, just get me a Kleenex…or maybe a Shamwow." Soul head was propped on the wall, still fazed by the sudden bath incident.

"Soul! Just get up! There's no time-"

"Pum-Pumpkin-Pum PUMPKIN!" The Witch Blair shot a giant Pumpkin out of her hand, sending the two flying out of her house.

_Try 2_

Lisa slashed that the witch, floating on a giant Pumpkin, with little success, the witch dodging each attacks.

" Soul!" Try to help me out!" Lisa yelled. She stopped to argue with her partner.

"Don't blame me!" Soul whined. "You're the meister!"

"Pum-Pumpkin-Pum-PUMPKIN!"

"AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIGGGGHHHH!"

_Try 17_

"Okay, this time, we're going to beat her for sure!" Soul cheered.

This time, Blair was the one attacking, and Lisa swiftly dodged the attacks. One of the blasts, however, hit Soul in the hilt piece representing the eye.

"OWWW!" That hurt, you know!"

"Sorry, Soul." Lisa stopped for a second to let Soul recover.

"Pum-Pumpkin-Pum-Pumpkin." She lazily said.

"AAAAIIIGGHH!"

_Try 73_

"Hey Blair! This time, we'll defeat-"

"Pum-Pumpkin…aw screw the rest." She sent the half-hearted attack at them, sending them only metres away, into a garbage pile.

"Ow…" Lisa tried getting up, finding it difficult. Soul, however lay there, still in weapon form.

"Looks like you two are worn out." Blair grinned. "Hey, you, the weapon kid. How about ditching this kid and becoming my weapon partner?"

"WHAT?" Lisa shrieked. No way would Soul leave her…

"Oh boy!" Soul, now human, rushed over to the witch. "Sorry Lisa, but I need to upgrade."

"Why, you little sonova-"

"Uh-uh, naughty language." Blair nodded her finger, then turned to Soul "So, cutie, where do you want to go?"

"Oh boy!" Soul felt so excited. He wondered what being the weapon for a witch was like…probably awesome. Just as he was about to tell her where he wanted to go…

_Slice._

Soul had been so excited, he hadn't noticed that he had accidentally turned his arm into a scythe blade, and cut the witch in half. Standing in her place, was a purple soul, with two bent points on the side, like a cute cat.

"You did it Soul!" Lisa cheered. "I didn't think you were smart enough to pull a move like that…."

"Er…yeah…" Soul felt akward. No way was he about to tell her that killing her was an accident.

"Well…just eat the soul, and you'll become a duff scythe." Lisa smiled. That'd show the other kids at school who made fun of her…

"Okay…" Soul plucked the soul out of the air, and swallowed it.

Suddenly, a huge surge went through Soul, lighting up the area in white light.

"AWESOME! I FEEL THE POWER! I FEEL THE STREGNTH! I FEEL…..nothing."

As fast as the surge appeared, it vanished, leaving small puffs of nasty smoke. Lisa plugged her nose at the smell.

"Eww..is that what's supposed to happen?"

"Not quite." A voice came from above. Lisa looked up to see a black cat grinning at them.

"W-wha?" Lisa was confused.

"You never asked if I was a witch." She turned back into the form that looked like Lisa's mother. "I'm actually a cat with magical powers! And I still have eight more Souls where that came from!"

"Aw man!" Soul groaned. "I heard cat souls give people gas!"

Blair frowned. "Yeah, but you don't have to rub it in."

Lisa, however was distraught. "So…your saying we got 99 Celebrity souls and A CAT SOUL!" She screamed. "NOW WE HAVE TO START ALL OVER!"

"Yeah…I should also tall you that after you got my soul, my ability to transform was taken away, so now I'll look like your mother as a nineteen-year-old for the rest of my life."

Lisa was on the brink of losing it. If that cat…whatever had one more piece of bad news, she just….

"Oh yeah." Blair blinked. "You guys destroyed my house, so I'll need to live at your place for a while."

"!"

**NEXT TIME, ON SIMPSON EATER….**

Fat Capone and the soul mafia, Ninjas, Sideshow Mifune…

AND DON'T FOGET ME, BART STAR! THE ONE TO SURPASS ALL! AND MY WEAPON, JESSICA NAKATSUKASA!

Sigh…next time! Read and review it, or I'll take your soul!


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